Parenting in Later Life: How Old Is Too Old?

This transcript has been edited for clarity. 

Hi. I’m Art Caplan. I’m at the Division of Medical Ethics at the NYU Grossman School of Medicine. I want to talk about something that’s extremely controversial, but something that needs public discussion, in my view, as sometimes it doesn’t get the attention it deserves. That is: Are you ever too old to become a parent? 

In my experience, this topic comes up when women — often, single women — decide that they haven’t had a child and they consider pursuing fertility services using in vitro fertilization, donor sperm, a younger woman’s egg, or an egg they’ve preserved, and they say they’d like to have a child. 

I don’t have any huge objection to a younger woman with good health and energy trying to pursue parenting, but we’ve seen women try to do this in their 60s. It does seem to me, biologically, that is a high risk for anyone to undertake a pregnancy at that age. I think there’s agreement from obstetricians that they’re high risk. 

I think it’s dangerous, if you’re going to be the single parent at that age, that you may wind up entering a nursing home by the time your child enters, say, high school. In thinking about parenting, sure, we want to think about our own values and what we want, and normally, people don’t tell us what to do. I’m not calling for any legislation here. I’m calling for an ethical discussion about the rights and wrongs of parenting at older age. 

In response to the case I made against single women over age 60 trying to have children, it’s often brought up to me that men do it. Recently, there was a story about Al Pacino, who had a kid — I think he’s now 84, so he must have had the child at 83.

In an interview with Newsweek, he said he had this child with his ex, who was 30, a woman named Noor Alfallah. He also said he doesn’t see the child very much. He communicates mainly with that child as a co-parent through digital texting and internet contact. He said he uses video basically as a parent.

Why that is, I’m not sure. Did he have a falling out with his ex and has he been excluded? Is he in poor health such that he can’t really do parenting anymore? 

I cite his case, and there are many other celebrities that we’ve heard about over the years who’ve had kids in their 80s, such as the former talk show host Larry King and, I believe, Clint Eastwood. There are cases that hit the news all the time about older men.

I think the same question should apply ethically. Again, I’m not saying we’re going to ban it or outlaw it, but it’s something we have to discuss and think through. I think doctors involved in helping a very old parent should raise the questions so that people can at least discuss them.

If you’re going to have a kid at 84, it means you’re not going to be around in any competent way by the time the kid hits high school. I’m not sure that’s in the child’s best interest. Certainly, there is the case that a younger woman could adequately raise the kid, but if something happens to her, you’re not going to be around in that age category to parent at all. 

It’s also the case that older parents, if you’re using your sperm, may have the same issues as women, whose eggs age in their late 30s into their 40s; you’re more likely to transmit a genetic disease. We don’t talk about it often, but it is a fact that someone who’s thinking about parenting either naturally or using infertility techniques really should be responsible and think about it.

Bottom line: Am I going to say we should let Congress or a state legislature step in and say, you’re going to go to jail if you have a kid at age X? No. Ethics is there for a reason; it’s trying to make sure that you don’t do things that harm or hurt the interests of a kid. 

If two older people have a child and they’re not likely to be there for a crucial period — say, the teenage years — and they haven’t made provisions for the care of the child, if both die, that’s a problem. 

If one person who’s very old tries to do it, they’re not likely to be alive and/or in good health when the kid enters puberty or into the teenage years; that’s something that you have to think about. Am I doing this because I’m just going to do what I want to do, or am I going to really look out for the best interests of any child I might create? 

This is food for thought about the question of when anyone is too old to parent. I know that’s partly determined by partner, resources, and many other variables, but I don’t believe that we should ignore the discussion of the ethics of the decision just out of respect for the idea that we’re not going to legislate. 

I’m Art Caplan, at the Division of Medical Ethics at NYU’s Grossman School of Medicine. Thanks for watching.